When it comes to holistic sexuality, we have questions, and we know you do too. Luckily, we get to ask them of Eudēmonia’s sexual health peritus in residentia, Dr. Juliana Hauser.

With over two decades of experience supporting people to discover their own sexual agency, Dr. Juliana Hauser leads conversations about taboo topics like sex and sexuality, menopause, intimacy, and relationships, with approachability and expertise. She has a PhD in Counseling Education; has a thriving private practice; is a beloved media personality on screen, on stage, and in print; and is both a TEDx and Eudēmonia Summit speaker. Dr. J is also the creator of the holistic sexuality course “Revealed” and is the author of A New Position on Sex: A Guide to Greater Sexual Confidence, Pleasure, and Authenticity, coming fall 2025.

Here’s a crash course.

Sexual agency is, in short, knowing your terms and living your terms. It’s:

• Understanding that sexuality is first individual and then can be experienced with others
• Having access to and knowledge of holistic sexual education—in general and about your own specific interests and needs
• Clearly expressing your yeses and noes while respecting them from others
• Making decisions with purpose and intention, aligned with the essence of who you are
• Knowing that pleasure is your birthright, which comes with responsibility
• Defining your sexuality within the context of your many intersecting identities
• Freedom from external influences that are not safe or consensual
• Freedom from what you’ve been taught by cultural and relationship “shoulds”
• Making decisions that honor your body, emotions, and relationships
• Honoring others’ needs without blame, shame, or judgement
• Celebrating the never-ending continuums that make us all individuals

While empathy is the ability to share and relate to the feelings of someone else, sexual empathy is the ability to share and relate to the feelings of someone else within the context of sexuality. It is the acknowledgement of the many inevitable changes that will take place within each of us over the course of our lives—and caring about those changes.Cultivating sexual empathy allows you to care about and understand your partner’s changing pleasures, interests, and experiences without judgment. Sexual empathy is about actively pursuing an understanding of your partner’s evolving sexuality, creating safety for your partner to explore and expand and communicate, and understanding and responding to your partner’s evolving desires and boundaries.

These two tools in tandem are an amazing foundation for long-term sexual satisfaction. It’s not always easy and it requires you to put in the work, but holistic sexuality is a lifelong responsibility with incredible rewards and benefits. It’s much easier to say that this or that sex position or tip is the key to lifelong “good sex,” but sexuality goes so much deeper than that. When considered holistically, it honors the endless expressions of our sexuality over a lifetime.

QUESTION 2: WHAT’S THE MOST COMMON MISTAKE COUPLES MAKE WHEN TRYING TO “SPICE THINGS UP” IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP, AND WHAT SHOULD THEY DO INSTEAD?

Focusing only on trying new things without any focus on deepening connection is a huge stumbling block. When I talk about holistic sexuality, I liken the attic of a house to fun sex tips and novel experiences. Though it’s important, if you have only an attic without a solid foundation, walls, and structure, you don’t really have a house at all!

People often assume that adding a new toy, trying a taboo position, or planning an exciting getaway will automatically reignite desire and, with it, long-term fulfillment. While novelty can be exciting and is an important factor, it’s often a temporary fix if underlying emotional, psychological, or relational factors are ignored–which is often the case. Novelty needs to be strategically informed and seen as support rather than the main feature.

Rather than just chasing excitement and newness, couples who prioritize a deeper connection through intentional intimacy and a holistic view are rewarded with everlasting and ever-changing benefits. Here are some ways I have seen couples achieve sexual fulfillment and excitement in their long-term relationships:

1. Prioritizing Authentic Sexual Communication
   Set and setting are vital here. Have uninterrupted conversations when you’re fully clothed, outside the bedroom, and both well-fed and rested. In that sacred space that you’ve carved out for each other, instead of guessing what the other person wants and needs, you’re able to have an open, pressure-free conversation about your desires, fantasies, and what truly makes each partner feel connected and desired.
2. Exploring Sensory & Emotional Connection
   Activities like sense exploration (getting a variety of foods, music, images, textures, scents to explore), eye gazing (staring at each other’s eyes without speaking for at least a minute), or even non-sexual physical touch (such as massage or slow dancing) can be something new and different that leads to new learnings, deeper connection, and pleasure.
3. Seek Climaxes that Aren’t Orgasm
   We put so much pressure on orgasms as the achievement of sexual connection, but there’s so much more pleasure than just orgasms to be explored. Focusing on pleasures of all kinds with present-mindedness and curiosity may have surprising benefits! Find your yucks and yums by inviting in your birthright to pleasure in all aspects of the pleasure continuum.
4. Desire Begins Within
   I like to call desire “a spark,” and this spark looks different for everyone and takes so many forms. Have you ever looked at a blossoming flower and felt the sensation of desire? Felt exhilarated by dancing to your favorite song by yourself? These are micro-moments of desire that build up to a greater desire within. Make time for moments of pleasure that ignite that sparky feeling within you. Invite your partner(s) into your desire and ask about theirs!

There is an endless list of ways to “spice things up” from tips like these, to more action-oriented “try doing this” recommendations. Rather than view this exploration as a chore, reframe the goal with curiosity to “How can we deepen our connection?” “How can we explore each other’s desires and fantasies with safety and presence?”

QUESTION 3: WHAT DOES GREAT AFTERCARE LOOK LIKE IN ANY SEXUAL ENCONTER, AND WHY IS IT CRUCIAL FOR LONG-TERM SEXUAL FULFILLMENT?

Aftercare refers to the practice of caring for yourself and your partner after sexual connection—and this does not just mean after penetrative sex. Great aftercare looks like an intentional, present-minded, attuned connection after sexual connection. The only way to achieve great aftercare is to have great awareness and communication.

Great aftercare ensures that everyone feels safe, valued, heard, seen, and emotionally supported. This looks different for everyone. Great aftercare also starts within the sexual connection. These things must be present throughout the experience as well. Here are a few of my favorite aftercare inclusions:

1. Make It Comfortable 
   Go out of your way to make the space comfortable. This could mean blankets, a glass of water, soft lighting, quiet music, a candle, showering together. It also may not be any of those things for you. What brings you comfort? Know it and share it.
2. Physical Closeness . . . Or Not!
   For some, cuddling, massage, holding hands, or simply lying close can reinforce intimacy and security, and for others it could look like taking space. Great aftercare includes either or both of these, depending on the needs and wants of both involved.
3. Talk About It
   Verbally express your appreciation. Recap the experience. As questions like, “How are you feeling?” “Anything you want to talk through?” “Did you like when I tried that?” Share your affection, as well as proactively offering your own experience, “That was amazing,” or “I loved it when you did this.” (if you did!). This helps some partners to feel emotionally connected. You can keep it light, too. Laughing together is a great way to reinforce safety and comfort. But remember that some people may not want to talk at all either!
4. Acknowledge Logistics
   Sex acts can be messy sometimes, involving fluids, condoms, lubrication, wet spots, sweaty sheets, missing clothing, “cum towels,” and much more. Sometimes people want to stay in the post-sex afterglow and not move at all. Others want to clean up the scene and move into their day or into sleep. You can have towels ready, help change the sheets, or even offer to rinse off in the shower if those items are important to your partner and aren’t a problem for you.
5. Check-Ins
   It can be connecting, as well as informative to check in with your partner a few hours afterward or the next day. Ask how they’re doing and feeling about the encounter, as well as giving your thoughts on the experience. This can be especially helpful if one or both of you worked to an edge, tried something new, or the experience didn’t go as hoped or planned. Letting some time pass and proactively coming back to it can show the experience mattered and also give space for each to process and have sexual agency in reflection and communication.

Aftercare shows the person or people you’re with that you, well, care! And that the sexual connection mattered to you, whether with someone brand-new or in a long-term relationship. Aftercare is kind. It builds or strengthens trust, safety, and intimacy, which support deeper connection, vulnerability, and can even contribute to increased desire. It also opens the door for continued conversation and communication about future sexual connection (boundaries, comfort level, desires, etc.), which is imperative to long-term sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.

Like sexuality in general, it’s easy to treat aftercare like a luxury. But again, like sexuality, aftercare is a necessity. It has an incredible power to strengthen your relationships, deepen your connections, help you learn more about yourself and others, and contribute to great sexual connections in the future, too!

QUESTION 4: FOR SOMEONE FEELING DISCONNECTED FROM THEIR BODY OR STRUGGLING WITH SEXUAL CONFIDENCE, WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT FIRST STEP TO REBUILDING THAT CONNECTION?

The first of my 9 Pillars of Holistic Sexuality is the perfect place to start: sensuality! Sensuality is your experience and expression of, comfort with, and access to the five senses: sight, taste, hearing, touch, and smell. Sensuality is how you actively experience the connection between sexuality and embodiment through your senses and how you activate your senses individually and within sexual experiences with others.

In my practice, I have heard people say countless times: “I’m not a sensual person.” In many cases, they believe that to be the reason they are hindered within sexual connection or that is why their desire for sexual connection is low or non-existent. To that I say, if you have any of the five senses, then you are a sensual being.

Connecting to yourself through your senses allows you to begin naturally tuning into your yeses and nos, your yucks and yums. Even these small realizations and decisions begin building confidence in yourself and in return, your sexuality. The color yellow? No. The taste of chocolate? Yes. Sound of my partner’s pleasure? Yes. Feel of sandpaper? No. The smell of lavender? Yes. And so on.

The potential of the five senses awakens your body and your connection to it. Examining what you like and don’t like, what turns you on and what doesn’t, is important. We all have sensual styles, just as we have personality types and learning styles. Sensuality is critical to core connection and is a powerful force to employ and explore when looking to reconnect to your own sexual energy or enhance it with a sexual partner.

Once you have a baseline connection with your sensual self, the next steps involve expanding the relationship to pleasure and desire.

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WHAT IS HOLISTIC SEXUAL HEALTH?

Beyond an awkward, sterile course in school, sex is largely something we’re left to figure out on our own. This self-guided journey often leads to myths, misinformation, confusion, and a fractured relationship with our own sexuality.

To make matters worse, discussions about sexual health typically fall into two camps:

• Textbook clinical advice
• Oversimplified “spice your love life” tips

More often, it’s simply not discussed at all.

For many, our earliest experiences with sex inform our views about it as adults. Movies, TV, and pornography create unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions. Religion, family dynamics, or a sexually repressed culture can instill shame, discomfort, or detachment about one of humankind’s most fundamental expressions of intimacy. But sexual health is critical for our overall well-being.

That’s because true sexual health is about a profound capacity for pleasure, connection, and passion. It’s about aliveness. Fullness. Psychological freedom. The ability to explore desires without guilt or anxiety.

How you relate to your sexuality mirrors how you relate to life itself. Are you suffocating under shame and self-reproach or allowing yourself to experience the fullness of your being? When you look deeper, the real question then becomes:

“How alive do I feel in my sexuality?”

At the first Eudēmonia Summit, Dr. Juliana Hauser examined the intersection of sexual health, self-awareness, and relationships. An integrative sex therapist and relationship counselor, Dr. Hauser offered a powerful framework for understanding desire, communication, and intimacy.

“Sexuality is the final frontier of self development. . . . Sexuality is the essence of who you are. It is the pathway to know who you are. It is a beautiful expression of who you are. If you want to feel genuine connection, then you have to know who you are.”
—Dr. Juliana Hauser

At the core of her talk was “holistic sexuality,” a perspective that moves beyond conventional views to redefine sexuality as:

• Evolving: not static, but constantly shifting throughout life
• Empowering: not a problem to be controlled, but a force to be harnessed
• Contextual: shaped by both personal experiences and cultural influences
• Fluid and self-defining: a dynamic aspect of identity

Sexuality is not a luxury but a fundamental part of the human experience, a lifelong source of connection and self-discovery. And at the foundation of it all, according to Dr. Hauser, is sexual agency. Sexual agency means:

• Knowing and living by your own terms,
• Understanding what you want and don’t want, and
• Having the clarity to communicate those boundaries with confidence and integrity.

Sexual agency is the key to a fulfilling sex life. It can be a superpower that shapes not just sexuality, but all aspects of life.

So let’s help you discover your sexual agency.

THE NINE PILLARS OF HOLISTIC SEXUALITY

To start, let’s look at Dr. Hauser’s Nine Pillars of Holistic Sexuality, an evolution and expansion of Dennis Dailey’s “Circles of Sexuality,” which offer an integrative perspective on sexuality. The Nine Pillars form a lens through which we can look at the interconnected elements that inform a holistic approach to sexuality.

1. Sensuality
   Unlike sexuality, sensuality is about experiencing the mind–body connection through sight, taste, touch, sound, and smell.
2. Physical Health & Reproduction
   Sexual well-being is deeply connected to overall physical health, and it requires access to informed, respectful, and nonjudgmental medical care. This pillar of holistic sexuality highlights the importance of bodily autonomy, reproductive health, and the role of healthcare providers in supporting an individual’s sexual well-being.
3. Pleasure
   Cultivating everyday enjoyment—both sexual and non-sexual—helps us develop a healthier, more intentional approach to desire. You can explore sensations of pleasure with another person, as embracing curiosity about others’ pleasure fosters a broader, more accepting view of sensual fulfillment. Or you can embrace self-pleasure, which sex educator Betty Dodson called a birthright, essential for self-discovery and confidence.
4. Desire
   Dr. Hauser sees desire as an evolving relationship, nurtured by focusing on sensuality and pleasure beyond sex. Desire reflects overall engagement with life. A disconnect in sexual desire often mirrors stagnation elsewhere. Reigniting passion in non-sexual areas can create a ripple effect, enhancing intimate relationships as well. Like a fire, desire needs tending to stay alive.
5. Acts of Interest
   Exploring fantasies, kinks, and boundaries is part of understanding desire. Trying new things is the only way to discover new yeses and noes in your own sexual life.
6. Intersecting Identities
   Factors like race, culture, age, religion, geography, and political climate all intersect to inform your sexual identity. Understanding these influences—how they shape desires, beliefs, and relationships—is essential to self-awareness.
7. Power & Trauma
   Power dynamics—whether explicit or subtle—can shape attraction, boundaries, and experiences. Examining these dynamics is key to a conscious, empowered approach to sexuality.
8. Relationships
   Understanding our attachment styles, communication patterns, and relationship dynamics directly impacts intimacy. Research consistently shows that healthy relationships of all kinds enhance overall well-being.
9. Connection
   Sexual health begins with the relationship you have with yourself. Connection—being seen, wanted, and valued—is central to our purpose and essential in both sexual and non-sexual relationships. Dr. Hauser encourages asking yourself these questions: How do I like to be seen? How do I know I’m wanted? How do I know I’m valued?

SEXUAL HEALTH AND LONGEVITY

Looking at sexual health through a longevity lens, several key factors emerge.

Physical Wellness and Preventative Care 
Sexual activity can provide cardiovascular benefits, improve immune function, and help maintain physical functionality as we age. Even without sexual activity, maintaining sexual health through proper hygiene, regular medical care, and understanding our bodies contributes to overall physical wellness. Regular attention to sexual health often leads to earlier detection of potential health issues, as many systemic health problems first show signs through changes in sexual function.

Stress Regulation and Mental Wellness
A healthy sexual life, whether solo or partnered, can help regulate stress hormones and promote relaxation. A strong relationship with our sexuality fosters improved self-esteem, reduced anxiety, and improved body image, all of which contribute to mental well-being. As Dr. Hauser discusses, being “embodied”—fully present in our bodies and comfortable with our sexual selves—helps us maintain better overall body awareness, leading to better self-care practices.

Sustained Intimacy and Relational Wellness
Understanding our sexual side helps us form more authentic connections with others. The ability to maintain intimate connections (whether sexual or not) throughout life supports better health outcomes and increased longevity.

Taking a comprehensive view of sexual health supports not just longer life, but better quality of life throughout our years. Prioritizing our sexual health contributes to what we might call “healthy longevity”—the ability to maintain vitality and well-being throughout our lifespan.

IT’S MY PLEASURE: 11 WAYS TO ELEVATE YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH

So how can you improve your own sexual health? Here are 11 practices to choose from.

1. Establish a Sensory Exploration Practice
   Dedicate 15 minutes a day to experiencing sensations unrelated to sex. This could involve feeling different textures, mindfully tasting food, or focusing on scents. This builds our capacity for sensual awareness, which translates to better sexual embodiment. Get specific by noting three distinct sensations you experience during each practice.
2. Create a Desire Map
   Maintain a detailed journal documenting both your turn-ons and turn-offs. Include contextual factors like time of day, stress levels, and environmental conditions. Review this monthly to identify patterns and optimize your sexual well-being.
3. Cultivate Erotic Energy
   Schedule two 30-minute sessions weekly for activities that make you feel alive and vibrant, completely separate from sex. This might be dance, art, or any form of self-expression. The key is choosing activities that connect you to your life force energy–what psychotherapist Esther Perel calls “erotic energy.”
4. Develop a Body Liberation Ritual
   Stand naked in front of a mirror for five minutes daily, practicing what Dr. Hauser calls “agency work.” Name three things you appreciate about your body, other than appearance. This builds comfort and reduces shame.
5. Complete the Stress Cycle
   Inspired by Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, this practice involves 20 minutes of daily physical activity to release stored stress. Engage in vigorous exercise, dance, or even primal screaming into a pillow. Move until you feel a physical shift.
6. Practice Pleasure Mapping
   Inspired by Dr. Hauser’s pleasure pillar, dedicate 15 minutes twice a week to discovering areas of comfort and enjoyment through non-genital touch. Experiment with varying pressures, temperatures, and textures, paying attention to how your body responds. Observe and document sensations without judgment.
7. Establish Boundary Check-Ins
   Set a weekly practice to review and update your sexual boundaries. Write down what feels like a “hell yes,” a “maybe,” and a “no.” Or use Dr. Hauser’s method: label experiences as Yum or Yuck. Notice how these evolve over time and, if applicable, share them with partners.
8. Create Desire Distance
   If you’re in a relationship, introduce intentional periods of space—what Esther Perel calls “artificial distance.” This could mean occasionally sleeping apart or taking solo trips. The goal is to balance intimacy with autonomy, sustaining attraction over time.
9. Integrate Your Sexual Story
   Following Dr. Hauser’s framework, spend 30 minutes weekly writing about a specific sexual memory or experience. Reflect on how it has shaped your current self—without judgment.
10. Advocate for Your Sexual Health
    Schedule quarterly medical check-ups specifically focused on sexual wellness. Prepare your questions in advance and practice stating them aloud so you’ll feel less awkward. If a provider seems uncomfortable, seek one who specializes in sexual health.
11. Work With a Sex Therapist
    A sex therapist is a licensed mental health professional (psychologist, social worker, or marriage and family therapist) with specialized training in sexual health and relationships. Think of them as a bridge between traditional therapy and deep expertise in intimacy.

Remember, these practices should be approached with curiosity and self-compassion. Start with the one that resonates most strongly and gradually incorporate others. The goal isn’t perfection but building a sustainable, lifelong approach to sexual well-being. These practices can be modified based on your comfort level and specific needs.

Consistency is more important than intensity–small, regular steps toward sexual wellness will create more lasting change than sporadic, intense efforts. The key is creating practices that you can maintain over time, adjusting them based on your circumstances and evolving understanding of your sexual self.

PORNOGRAPHY AND SEXUAL HEALTH

It’s essential that we acknowledge pornography, which presents a complex dynamic from a holistic sexuality perspective. It can serve as entertainment, education, fantasy, or a tool for arousal. That makes it critical to understand for both its potential benefits and pitfalls.

Entertainment vs. Reality
It’s critical to remember that mainstream porn is designed for entertainment, not education. It often portrays unrealistic bodies, pleasure, and sexual dynamics, which can create misconceptions—especially in the absence of comprehensive sex education.

Psychological Impact
Moderate porn consumption can be part of a varied, healthy sexual life. But excessive use may shape arousal patterns and expectations, particularly for younger viewers whose sexual responses are still developing.

Porn in Relationships
Open communication is key. Discussing boundaries ensures alignment and mutual comfort.

Key Considerations for Sexual Health

• Body Image: Unrealistic portrayals can impact self-confidence and sexual satisfaction. Seeking diverse representations can help.
• Sexual Expectations: Porn often distorts real-world intimacy and response. Awareness helps prevent unrealistic standards within real relationships.
• Ethics: Supporting ethical porn (fair wages, consensual participation) contributes to healthier industry practice

For those struggling with compulsive porn use, sex therapists can help explore alternative ways to engage with desire, manage triggers, and develop a healthier relationship with sexual content.

YOUR PATH TO SEXUAL HEALTH

The path to sexual health is one of self-awakening, discovery, and compassion. It’s a journey that asks us to be brave enough to question inherited beliefs, patient enough to unlearn what no longer serves us, and wise enough to hold space for our own evolution. Whether you’re exploring sensuality for the first time, healing from past experiences, or deepening your capacity for intimacy, you’re engaging in the fundamental human work of becoming more fully yourself.

“I want you to feel a boost of bravery. . . . I want you to go out into the world and start talking about your sexual life in a different way, on a different scale. That’s a movement that needs to happen.” —Dr. Juliana Hauser

To a life well lived (and a sexuality fully explored),
Team Eudēmonia